Hello my loyal readers, I'm sososososososososo sorry (I honestly couldn't apologize enough) for going missing in action. I've been so inconceivably busy, you simply could not understand. On average, I probably have been getting three or four hours of sleep a WEEK. Anyone who knows me, however, would tell you that I function like I've slept like a BABY......(those who don't know me, but know my story, they would tell you I'm on hard drugs...sigh, I wish I was).
Anyway, believe it or not, my life has changed SOOOOOOO much since the last time I've posted on here. I usually choose to be discreet when it comes to certain things, but in these next few posts, I'm prepared to lay everything out on the table. I've kept things to myself for way too long and personally feel like my blog is a good outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I don't necessarily care if people read it because I know I'm not the only person out there who finds themselves in situations like this.
And so the stories begin:
It all starts with my friends. Sure, I don't know where I'd be without them, but DAMN, girls can be CAT TEE. I'm not a naturally "mean girl", but, I don't pop off for any random reason. All my rage is normally directed by fact and not fiction. To anyone who knows the story I'm about to tell, feel free to insert personal information in your heads, but to those who don't, let's just call these two girls Jane and Kathy. Jane WAS (emphasis on WAS) my best friend, like a sister to me. If you asked me two months ago if we would ever stop being best friends, I would've told you to have a seat...on a cactus. Now that everything has happened, I regret absolutely nothing because if God didn't want things to happen the way they did, He would have given me some sort of sign, BUT, things went south quickly. See, Jane had a major jealousy problem. She only wanted me to be friends with her and only her. If I even GREETED someone else, she felt threatened. I will never understand why, because it was always clear where my loyalties were, but maybe I never made myself clear. Jealousy was honestly the root of the problem. I had just recently begun to become friends with Kathy, who was a year older and a true bad ass. Contrary to popular belief, she has a heart of gold and is truly one of my best friends. Sure, she had her shortcomings, but nobody's perfect and those who claim to be are far from it. Jane and Kathy automatically took a disliking to one another, which initially never made me think twice. I simply understood that everyone's not going to like each other, but I was not going to stop being friends with either of them, so I gave them both identical advice: "Get the hell over it." Anyone with a level head on their shoulders would see the situation like this: It was February, Kathy graduated in May, that was THREE FREAKING MONTHS. Whatever issue Jane had with her, could have been squashed and pushed under the rug, until then. BUT OF COURSE, my life is never that damn easy. Jane went on and on and on and on about how much she hated Kathy and how she was above her, she is high class, of high caliber, about how Kathy amounted to nothing, was white trash, was worthless, etc etc, and may I point out, alot of this Shadow Thuggin' happened IN PUBLIC around people who KNEW Kathy, and would not hesitate to tell her. I, fortunately, was never around for this defamation of character. I conveniently always managed to be absent when the shadow thuggin went down. It wasn't until things started to be said about me, that I decided I should take a second look at the situation. Now I KNOW, this TRICK wasn't sitting there talking about ME? At the time, I was honestly the ONLY PERSON who gave a damn about whether she even woke up in the morning and never said anything as bad as she was saying about me (I refuse to repeat what was said because it is just ridiculous to pass on). I thought, well, let me just wait and I'll see how this all plays out because at this point, there's really nothing I could do. I know it's wrong to say, but I was almost looking FORWARD to seeing Jane get her ass handed to her, but in the back of my mind, I really hoped that what was said was A) not true and B) never passed on.Armageddon happened in late March. Kathy had agreed with me that she would stop "terrorizing" Jane for the rest of the year. That was on a Tuesday and was honestly one of the happiest days of the year. The next to days were like heaven on Earth. Every single one of us laughing excessively, being loud and obnoxious, and sharing food as if we sincerely loved each other and had a Sisterhood of the Traveling cafeteria Cookie going on. Unfortunately, that same week, Thursday, proved to be the end of a thing that was way too good to be true. We were sitting at lunch like the freaking Winx Club when my sister came over and asked me for a dollar. I told her if Bandz a Make Her Dance, she can have that dollar to buy a Pop Tart. As everyone giggled and I egged my sister on, all I heard behind me was yelling. When I looked back, Jane and Kathy are going neck and neck about whatever it was that just happened in the five seconds that I had my back turned. Apparently, (I am now reporting what was told to me) Jane had to Kathy to shut the hell up because Kathy had said something that offended Jane. Whatever, not my problem. WRONG.
Next thing I know, everyone's suddenly taking sides in this unofficial war of the vaginas. I was unsure about that what was actually happening so I decided to take a mental health day from school the next day (Mental Health Day= eat.sleep.repeat) When I awoke from the first cycle of mental health day, I unsuspecting checked Twitter, where I was shocked to find Kathy bluntly calling Jane out of her name and swearing up and down that she was going to kill her. Well, what a great way to start my morning. Minutes later, I am bombarded by texts from Kathy telling me to tell her everything Jane said about her because she already knew. Dammit, I was now in a predicament for the history books. It then dawned on me, hitting me like a ton of bricks; this was not my problem, nor was it ever mine to begin with, it was Jane's. Jane had been putting a strain on every one of my friendships for the past few months, making me fight her battles against some of my closest friends and taking advantage of my loyalty because she knew I would never turn my back on her. On that day, that loyalty was finally broken. I didn't need someone causing all types of misery and mess in my life. I consciously decided that I no longer wanted to be her friend. I felt a sort of hatred most people would only feel for their arch enemy. In those few moments, Jane suddenly made the list. When she contacted me that night, I was still on a bloodthirsty high. I wanted nothing but to see her suffer. At the time, I did still hold on to some imaginary strand that was keeping our friendship together and relevant. When I answered the phone, however, all of that went down the drain when she suddenly began accusing me of this, that, and the third. Home girl is SO lucky this was on the phone and not in person, because it would have been kill first, ask questions later. She denied ever saying anything about me or Kathy and said everyone was lying and they were jealous, etc etc, placing the blame wherever she felt it needed to be. I clearly told her that I was no longer fighting in her corner and that she was on her own indefinitely because I just couldn't stand being lied to.
When I look back at things today, if she just owned up to her shortcomings instead of redirecting the blame and denying everything, we would never be where we are today. I'm not heartless; if she apologized for what she said, we would have worked on it and gotten through it, things happen. But NOOOOO, bitches stay basic and to this day, she'll still deny it. I mean, yeah I lost a best friend, but I gained something a lot more valuable: Knowledge. I was able to look beyond my feelings and look at the facts at hand. Period point blank, I don't do misery, and everything about Jane screams it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't make the decisions I had to make. I regret absolutely nothing about everything that happened and I pretty much put it in the past. As I mature, I've learned to not hold onto grudges like I have in the past and to not let my anger control my life. I forgive, but never forget, and could never return to the past. Fortunately, I do look forward to my future with the friends I've managed to keep and those who've shown me that they're down with me one hundred and ten percent, just as I am for them.
