EXAMS pt.1

Honestly, I've never been so anxious about studying about exams. Like, it's not like I don't know the information...(I don't) but it's like, preparing & trying to cram all these different subjects into my mind at once is killing my psyche. It's like every one of my teachers think their class is the ONLY class I've been taking all semester.

Math- BELIEVE IT OR NOT, this'll probably be my easiest exam. At the very beginning of the semester, I was borderline failing, like, I honestly thought this was the end for me. I was bound to repeat the class. The funny thing is, I sat in the dead back row, with three of the most talkative people in my class, so it wasn't like I was taking notes. But next quarter when she moved me to the very front row, it was like the VIP world of algebra had opened its gates to me. All of a sudden, it was like second nature to do all these equations, and I have to admit, I began to see myself as being above the rest; I mean, I'm in the top half of the class, I'm allowed to be snobby.

Chemistry- I'm NOT passing this exam, I'll tell you this right now. If I do, it'll be because a) I found a way to cheat or b) the school sets on fire and all is lost, meaning she has to give me an automatic A. But of course, neither will happen, so I've trying to get my mind wrapped around the idea of failing the exam, that way, it's one less exam to stress about. Like, I'm sorry, but I don't see the significance of the pH scale, stoichiometry, or molarity. I''m gonna be a LAWYER, for Christ's sake.

Fear no man, Trust no bitch ~

You know? You'd think you'd know someone after years and years? But quite frankly, this isn't necessarily so. Everyone's going to lie to you, cheat on you, spit in your face, and disappoint you; but you have learn to roll with the punches. I've learned this from first hand experience. The first time I was ever truly back stabbed was the 5th grade, by a group of girls I used to be in some sort of "clique" with. Sure, the problems at hand were petty, but at the time, they hurt me to the core and made me realize that everything in the world isn't fucking rainbows and sunshine. There isn't always a rainbow after a rainstorm, there's just rain and fog.

As I got older, the backstabbing continued, and as I got older, the problems got more adult, even if the people they involved remained childish. People have said mean things behind my back. Though I'm no one to talk, I know what it feels like to be bullied, and it SUCKS. You couldn't imagine the type of things I've said and have had said to me. Some of my closest friends turned out to be the worst offenders, often having skeletons of backstabbing in their closets that were directly of me. I didn't trust anyone back then and still don't trust people 100% now.
I really wish I could, because things would be 100 times easier and fighting would happen less often. Because though I have a tough exterior, it's not like I LIKE to fight, it's just that motherfuckers keep asking for it. The bottom line, I don't really care as much as I used to. I wish I did, but unfortunately, I don't. I mean, I have some great people in my life, but I'm trying to keep from making the same mistakes and letting the wrong people in. Sadly, in the game of life, everyone's a suspect.

---Signed half heartily, Me

Juniors, ALREADY?!

        

In a week and a half, Soph year will officially end. This year has been freakin' crazy. Like, honestly, if you asked me if shit would go down the way it did this year last summer, I'd laugh in your face. Everyone and everything has changed so much. I've basically fought with every single person I could fight with this year. Some fights were fair, others I was at advantage, but never disadvantaged bitch, I'm not about that life. Lol. But SERIOUSLY; I can't even begin to reminisce on how much backstabbing has gone down from both aspects: from the outside looking in and in my inner circles. But I'm glad to have the friends I do that have stuck by me regardless of my crazy, sometimes questionable behavior. I started this year with a "who gives a shit?" attitude, and that's exactly how I ended it. But don't get me wrong, it's not like I started with 3853727 friends and ended with 0. No, I've just narrowed it down to a small inner circle that I know I can trust, as far as I'm concerned. Some people didn't particularly like the way I've presented myself this year and quite frankly, you can kiss my black ass. :* I really don't care what anyone thinks. If I wanna parade around all day with a Snooki poof and horrid bright blue eye shadow, guess what? Imma throw some red lipstick on that bitch as finishing touches. I mean, this year has just been so much fun. Freshman year, when I was terrified to even walk the halls, I would've never thought that I'd been singing and dancing and screaming and yelling and just acting a damn fool to my classes, even some times by my damn self. I've laughed so much this year, I swear I have permanent grin lines. #earlywrinkles. ahaha. Unfortunately, still no updates on the love life when it comes to in school, 'cause most of the guys suck, once again. But outside of school, I'm working on it ;) if it becomes anything serious, I'll update you guys, but for now, it's on the DL. Other than that, I'm currently in panic mode because next week is EXAM WEEK. (I'll do a story on that when it comes around) But on a serious note, just like around this time of the year last year, I can't say I'm ready for what'll happen next year, because every year holds something new, something exciting. I can say that whatever it is, I'm ready for it 125%. But what they say about high school is true; "Blink of an eye, the years fly by."