2012 Wrap Up pt.2

So let's get real: I didn't do ANY of what I said I was going to do this year.

• "I'm going to be nicer." Fought more hoes than I did last year. But hell, don't shake, unless you're ready to get shook.
• "I'm going to work out and really make a difference. I'd like to be one step closer to my goal." I mean, does walking PAST my treadmill count? Also, I am one step closer.........to type 2 diabetes. I've tried, but McDonald's just keeps reeling me in, that's my main, can't help it.
• "I'm going to be a panda."........................okay, Science hasn't exactly taken the necessary steps I had hoped they would have taken by now for me to achieve my dream, but eventually, they will...and I'll be waiting.

        But seriously, 2012 was one of the craziest years I've ever experienced. It was definitely the year of Love and War, because it was either friendship and good times, or boxing gloves on like Donkey Kong. Yes, I did find what some would consider love, but it wasn't the love I had hoped for, BUT I'm young and I have many, countless years ahead of me, if God permits.
       
        I can also say that I've continued to persevere through everything I've had to deal with this year. I accomplished some things that I would never have attempted if not for my confidence. Hell, so what if I didn't get rich quick or become a panda or a cupcake or.........okay, note to self: serious body dysmorphic disorder. Yay. But this year was the start of something new. A fire within me (no, not the McDonald's) has been sparked and I'm going to ride out the fire for as long as it burns within me, which I hope is forever. I mean, I don't want to work hard and be passionate about my dreams and such, then one day, eh, I'm going back to bed, does McDonald's deliver?

Well, this isn't very long, because most of what went down this year I feel shouldn't be included in a blog post. One day when I'm in Congress, I wouldn't want this to haunt me now, would I? Except the panda part, I want them to know where I stand, what my values are.

Someone like You

I'm aware that it's been awhile, but we've only become more distant. Your hugs are no longer accompanied with their usual warmth. Your kisses leave me wondering and your eyes are empty. My heart doesn't skip when I see you. I cannot stress enough the fact that though I'm not an emotional person, I still seek security with those I love. Yet, you seem only interested in worldly things. We can no longer keep conversation like we used to, from all night to less than an hour. You ask me the same things over:

"Can't you see that you're hurting me, why don't you love me, why don't you care, did I mean nothing to you...no, there's someone else, there's some else isn't there? I knew you were using me, I knew you didn't care....."

No, there isn't someone else, but I wish there was. Someone who wouldn't question how I feel. Someone to love me and hold me and nothing more. Someone who would call just to hear my voice or ask about my day. To protect me when in harm and to comfort me when in sadness. Someone who thought of love as a spiritual thing rather than a concept. Someone who wants me for me, and nothing more. To make me laugh and not cry, to never question my motives and ask why. I'm confused as to what exactly it is I do that would imply that I'm over you and found someone else. Yes, there are others, but I haven't even given them a second thought or a chance, because of my constant reminder of you.

But if you're going to act this way, then go on ahead. Be cold and aloof. Be immature and hurtful. Do as you wish and keep thinking I'll sit around and wait until you change. I'll look for someone new. Someone to not only have love for me, but to say that they're in love with me.

Someone like the old you.

To girls like me,

        I know I'm not perfect, no matter how bad I wish that were true. I am, however, weird and happy to accept that. I strive everyday in hopes that God will award my good deeds with Panda immortality, eat brownie batter when the package SPECIFICALLY says DO NOT EAT RAW BATTER *B.A.M.F. , and I live like I'll die tomorrow...or the next day.....or the next day.

      But on a serious note, I'm not the 'sentimental' type. I don't do romantic gestures like flowers and candy and basically Valentine's Day. I don't enjoy chick flicks that aim to 'touch your soul' and make you cry like a baby. I don't even cry often, which is why when I do cry, it's usually something serious. I honestly don't even really enjoy relationships, because they are time consuming and hurt too much. I'm much more of the practical type. If you love me, tell me. Don't only express how you feel on holidays, do it everyday. It's the little things in the end that count. I'd much rather have you help me reach for the brownie batter I'm not supposed to eat rather than go out on an expensive dinner date.


       I also don't care for drama nor do I go looking for it. People lately have been so thirsty, just biting at my ankles and taking every word I say and twisting it into a lie. Everyone around me has managed to piss me off in some sort of way and, quite frankly, I'd like each and every one of you to know, and you know who you are, that I hate you for it. I just want to be left alone....The year has barely begun and I've probably had a year's worth of drama. It's just that I don't care for anyone. Not enough to talk about you; more specifically, not enough to care. Everything and everyone lately, is an IRRELEVANT.

     Sigh, I know I'm not the only person who feels this way lately. I wish I could just escape for awhile. Go someplace far away, in the middle of nowhere. No people, no drama, no responsibilities, just a nice long nap and a glass of renewal.

         Signed,
              Sorry I haven't been around much

First Day of School: from a view of absolute arrogance

    I cannot fathom how amazed I am that I'm already a junior. It was like just yesterday, I was a freshman, roaming the halls, in fear of who'd I sit with at lunch, if anyone would like me, if I'd just hate everyone, and whether or not I had enough money to buy lunch in the cafeteria. #fatkidforlife Now, as I briskly walk the halls of my school; now my second home almost. But don't get me confused with a student that loves school. Oh no, I absolutely HATE waking up early. And getting ready for school. And driving to school. Then being IN school.


    As I mentioned earlier, I got my license, meaning that I now, along with student, I had a new job title: Keronhica's chauffeur. Since she doesn't HAVE her license, it's my duty to make sure we both travel safely and efficiently to and from school in the TWO HOURS it takes. When I say travel, I'd like you to put yourself in my mindset. 5:45am in the morning, crusin' down the street, on you're way to school, when suddenly, major depression strikes.....why, you might ask? Well, because when you look to your right, you see a McDonald's and realize you have no money. I know, heartbreaking, isn't it?

   I also have a terrible, terrible, freaking sucky parking spot: the dirt lot. I mean, I'm happy I get to park on campus, but I'm debating just HOW happy I actually am, because my parking spot's so stupid, I just really want to give my sticker back. Buuuuuuuuuuut, I wanna be that cool junior who parks on campus, regardless of location and the fact that it's literally a mini hike to my homeroom every damn day. Even if it is in complete mud and whenever it rains that mud turns into quicksand, no big deal. And as if it couldn't get any worse, I have to park backwards in order to get out of the dirt lot after school. Yeah, it's as bad as it sounds.
  
 On the bright side, I have good classes. I'm like, in love with my psychology and English classes. I have phenomenal teachers and good people in said classes. My history class will obviously be my easiest class, although I'll actually have to work and study this year. Marine biology is pretty easy, as well, although I doubt it will stay that way. I also have an outside reading assignment called The Hungry Ocean. I personally thought it would be about food in some way, shape, or form; but NO, it's about STUPID sword fishing. I hate the ocean. And books ABOUT the ocean. I'd just really like to swim with manatees (SEA COWS MOOOO) Then there's religion, otherwise known as Church history, which just recently underwent a change in curriculum, and just got a hell of a lot harder, but I'll manage.

    By now you see I left out a class. That god forsaken class is Pre-Calculus. Also known as hell on Earth, it is designed with the torment and oppression of students, such as myself, in mind. Flashback, I took FOUR WEEKS of geometry, FLASH FORWARD, pre-calculus is all about geometry and I don't have a solid enough basis to move forward. I'm in a regulars class, but I definitely don't feel like it. I FEEL as though everyone gets it except me. Fortunately, I've come to accept the fact that you cannot be good at everything and that it's okay to fail. Just, someone please explain that to my mom and whatever universities I'll later be applying to.

    But other than that, I'm assuming as of right now, that I'll have a pretty damn good year. I mean, every year holds something new in store, whether that be new friends, new classes, new love, or new enemies; it's all brand new. I can't wait to see what the universe has in store for me (hopefully its plans include a 2006 Land cruiser). My advice to everyone else? It's our junior year, try not to screw it up.

Summer '12: The Unevitable End

"It's the end of the summer. It's the end of it all. Those days are gone, it's over now, we're moving on."

        
        So it's finally over. The summer of our lives, the time to make something  of ourselves, the chance to create memories of a lifetime. I'm honestly dreading the end. We all know everything comes to an end but I didn't think I would have enjoyed my summer the way I have. Giving you all a glimpse into my personal life, a special friend of mine who stuck it out with me this entire summer has made an impact on my life that I will never forget you. You showed me that everyone deserves a second chance at love and that only the few who matter will be remembered. I hate to admit that we'll probably never see one another again, but if fate allows, we'll meet again someday in the future.
Anyway, enough of me being sentimental. Back to the summer of dreams blah blah blah, I got my license (BEEP BEEP) :) and I'm so happy, yet my dreams were crushed because my dad decided that ONE Mercedes wasn't enough and he had to have TWO, so my Mercedes dreams are out the window, leaving me with my '96 Land cruiser, but it's alright 'cause I'm just gonna pretend I'm in the Benz whenever I drive around.

       And HONESTLY, I'd like to protest for 2 more weeks of vacation before hell school starts. I don't feel as though I've accomplished any of what I wanted to this summer. I had goals and expectations and I wanted to check them all off the ol' bucket list, some of which includes breaking the world record for the longest nap. I'd also like to try PHYSICALLY becoming a panda.........make that 3 more weeks.