to the good looking and unappreciative,

Where are all the hotties attttttttt?;) I don't know, man. It seems like whenever I make the effort to look cute, there's no one to creep on, yet when I go out looking like a swamp monster, allll my potential marriage prospects are out and about (and possibly shrieking in fear at the sight of me in their heads). Like on Black Friday, I saw a panty dropper at Target and he was TO DIE FOR. (pant dropper- noun refers to an extremely attractive male who can immediately get into a female's pants). Yet, there I was, in my jeans, running sneakers, oversized tee, hair in a braid, and glasses, looking rough as hellllll. Yet, despite all this, he still looked my way and gave me a smile, and you better believe I smiled back. tehe. But anyway, I feel like I go out of my way (though it isn't that much work) to look good for not only myself, but for potential boyfriends/future husbands/future hookups. I curl my hair, do my makeup, spend hours picking out the freakum dress, and what do I get in return? A smile or two, but never an upfront drop of appreciation. And I know this is a problem across America for girls everywhere who torture themselves with waxing, laser hair removal, tweezing, shaving, flat ironing, curling, and whatever else it takes to look beautiful. All I ask of guys is to let girls know you appreciate them, because trust me, if you didn't, bet you we'd look alot like you; manly and all.

to hoes/whores/sluts etc etc,

Can you stop please? I'm asking this on behalf of all those who won't ask you to your face. You make all of us other girls look bad as a whole, a unit, a species. I'm not sure how or why you became a hoe, but I need you to change your ways. Chasing after guys who already have girlfriends? Not okay. Getting on your knees for every guy who's ever said hi to you? Definitely frowned upon. Sexting pictures of yourself to a guy? You do realize that cellphones have forward and select all contacts options? Wearing skirts up to your inner thighs? Disgusting. (YOU MAKE ME SICK) :P And just a question, where do you get your clothes? Do you just take perfectly flattering clothing and turn them into stripper attire? I mean, seriously, I get you're trying to impress guys and pull in a man (single or taken, doesn't matter), but do it at a strip club, NOT in public places such a sporting events, school events, or just out on the town. Why? Because there are girls around, too and speaking for myself here, I'm straight and I don't like seeing girl's asses hanging out of their shorts. It's not cute, you're not cute. You wanna show that much skin? Be a Victoria Secret model orrrr a porn star. Also, I have a strong feeling that your mother did NOT buy those clothes for you. If she did, she needs to be reported to Department of children & families (el departamento de ninos y familias, for all you chongas out thereee) . Quite frankly, crop tops that cut at my bra line, shorts that show everyone my ass, heels that look like they belong on OBT, bikinis that look like floss, shirts so tight it looks like I got 4 sizes too small, and other things of the sort do NOT sit nicely with my mom. My momma would beat the living Christ out of me and hang me by my dental floss bikini if I even thought to be slick and bring that shit into her presence. I mean, I get away with the cleavage tops, but that's another story for another day. Anyway, back to being a hoe, I don't understand the mentality that popularity equals how many guys you've gotten with. I feel like if you're gonna get with a guy, get with him for the right reasons....oh, and get with ONE GUY. Monogamy is the best policy, ladies. You've got to leave some guys out there STD free for the few of us that want good boyfriends. So, my advice to you? Cover up your coochie, close your legs, and try being classy. Shanksssss.

What should have happened and what did happen on Thanksgiving

Sooo, like everyone else in America, I was excited for the prerequisite for type 2 diabetes, better known nationally as Thanksgiving. I was ready for the beautiful meal and the family bonding. Unfortunately, as usual, nothing ever goes as planned. My Thankgiving isn't an exception. Here's a rundown on exactly what happened on November 24, 2011:

• As usual, my family always waits until the very last second to prepare for anything. This became a problem at 7:32 in the morning, when I was woken up from my island honeymoon with someone-who-will-remain-anonymous and rudely brought back to reality by my mother, who needed to go to Walmart to get the food and everything we needed.
• We got everything we needed and came home....or so we thought. We forgot the turkey. I know, who forgets the turkey? My mom, obviously. Anyway, everything by then was closed, so my dad had to go to a Bravo supermarket in Kissimmee to get one.
• To make matters worse, my ankle swole up. Yup, God has blessed me, I'm sure.And depite that I STILL had to help cook
• My mom didn't make the mashed poatoes orrrrr the stuffing
• Mom overbaked the ham
• Dad overfryed the turkey
• Sister bitched through the entire day
• I considered suicide
• Then refused it
• Then reconsidered it
• Food finally finished
• Mom dropped sweet potato pie, all that's left is pumpkin ( Seriously? )

But in the end, we had a great meal & we bonded as a family and that's what Thanksgiving is all about, not the TV perfect family, but just enjoying being in each other's company.

to the wanna be black kids,

I'm not racist, but i'm TERRIBLY sorry to inform you that the color of your skin resembles paper. You are white. Blanco. Blanche. No matter what you do: you can get your hair braided, get dreads, listen to Lil Wayne, and talk the talk, but wiggah, you can't walk the walk. LAWLZ. I've seen one too many white kids these days trying to "infuse hip-hop culture in their daily lives".....loads of crap. Stop quoting rap songs. Stop singing rap songs. Stop buying rap albums. Stop downloading rap music. Stop listening to rap music. But the most tragic thing plaguing our society today: the dancing white kids. OOOOOOH LAWD, I've seen it all. The one white girl completely off beat trying to "shake it like a pompom", when in reality, there's nothing to shake. The one white boy trying to jerk, (or he may be having a seizure) no one knows. Like the other day, when I went to the volleyball game/ good reason to skip out on class, they played some of the ghetto-est songs ever, the songs you'd hear on BET. Anyway, I wanted to bust out dancing, but instead I decided to turn around and look for the white kids I knew were gonna dance, and sure enough, I found them, busting their best moves and making complete asses out of themselves. Safe to say that I laughed so hard I should have peed myself, but I didn't. Take that as a mini personal lesson, white teens of America. It's not wrong to like hip hop music, buuttttt it is a social crime to dance to it, orrrr whatever it is you think you're doing.

to the hygiene deficient,

dammit. you smell weird. When was the last time YOU took a shower? God, I swear, I've heard some of the strangest shit in the one year I've been at this school, man. Examples include, but are not limited to:

• "I took a shower last night so I don't have to this morning."
• "My hair is far more manageable with all the grease and oils, so I don't wash it often."
• "I brushed my teeth yesterday morning so I'm good until tomorrow night."
• "Oops, sorry, I forgot to put deodorant on this morning."
• "I have no idea why the insides of my nails are black."

You may think I'm joking, but damn, do I wish I was. These are actual statements I've heard come out of people's mouths. I've had to endure a class period with Ms. I-Don't-Shower-Everyday-Because-I'm-Starting-My-Own-Body-Dirt-Museum or Mr.Toothbrushes-Aren't-My-Thing-I-Prefer-Onions. Argh, get it together people, it's freaking gross. If you were wondering why no one ever wants to swap secrets with you, I've given you the answer and RIGHT THIS SECOND, you're probablyyyyy smelling your pits or checking your breath. Newsflash, stinky ass: you can't judge your own stink. Jeez, where does the world find these people?

To guys out of my league,

just thought I should let you know that if it wasn't for my fear of unplanned pregnancy, STDs, STIs, and my mother, I'ddddddd probably bang you in a second millisecond. God, why must You put so many obstacles in my way?!?! UGH. But of course, that's not just it; social quota stands in my way as well. I can't be Level 4 and you be Level 2105, it doesn't work that way. You've gotta be like, a level 5, or 4, or maybe even 3, depends on just HOW great you look. But, unfortunately, the fustration continues. You'll only exists as my non-reality. Eh, I guess I'm okay with that, for now at least.