Someone like You

I'm aware that it's been awhile, but we've only become more distant. Your hugs are no longer accompanied with their usual warmth. Your kisses leave me wondering and your eyes are empty. My heart doesn't skip when I see you. I cannot stress enough the fact that though I'm not an emotional person, I still seek security with those I love. Yet, you seem only interested in worldly things. We can no longer keep conversation like we used to, from all night to less than an hour. You ask me the same things over:

"Can't you see that you're hurting me, why don't you love me, why don't you care, did I mean nothing to you...no, there's someone else, there's some else isn't there? I knew you were using me, I knew you didn't care....."

No, there isn't someone else, but I wish there was. Someone who wouldn't question how I feel. Someone to love me and hold me and nothing more. Someone who would call just to hear my voice or ask about my day. To protect me when in harm and to comfort me when in sadness. Someone who thought of love as a spiritual thing rather than a concept. Someone who wants me for me, and nothing more. To make me laugh and not cry, to never question my motives and ask why. I'm confused as to what exactly it is I do that would imply that I'm over you and found someone else. Yes, there are others, but I haven't even given them a second thought or a chance, because of my constant reminder of you.

But if you're going to act this way, then go on ahead. Be cold and aloof. Be immature and hurtful. Do as you wish and keep thinking I'll sit around and wait until you change. I'll look for someone new. Someone to not only have love for me, but to say that they're in love with me.

Someone like the old you.

To girls like me,

        I know I'm not perfect, no matter how bad I wish that were true. I am, however, weird and happy to accept that. I strive everyday in hopes that God will award my good deeds with Panda immortality, eat brownie batter when the package SPECIFICALLY says DO NOT EAT RAW BATTER *B.A.M.F. , and I live like I'll die tomorrow...or the next day.....or the next day.

      But on a serious note, I'm not the 'sentimental' type. I don't do romantic gestures like flowers and candy and basically Valentine's Day. I don't enjoy chick flicks that aim to 'touch your soul' and make you cry like a baby. I don't even cry often, which is why when I do cry, it's usually something serious. I honestly don't even really enjoy relationships, because they are time consuming and hurt too much. I'm much more of the practical type. If you love me, tell me. Don't only express how you feel on holidays, do it everyday. It's the little things in the end that count. I'd much rather have you help me reach for the brownie batter I'm not supposed to eat rather than go out on an expensive dinner date.


       I also don't care for drama nor do I go looking for it. People lately have been so thirsty, just biting at my ankles and taking every word I say and twisting it into a lie. Everyone around me has managed to piss me off in some sort of way and, quite frankly, I'd like each and every one of you to know, and you know who you are, that I hate you for it. I just want to be left alone....The year has barely begun and I've probably had a year's worth of drama. It's just that I don't care for anyone. Not enough to talk about you; more specifically, not enough to care. Everything and everyone lately, is an IRRELEVANT.

     Sigh, I know I'm not the only person who feels this way lately. I wish I could just escape for awhile. Go someplace far away, in the middle of nowhere. No people, no drama, no responsibilities, just a nice long nap and a glass of renewal.

         Signed,
              Sorry I haven't been around much

First Day of School: from a view of absolute arrogance

    I cannot fathom how amazed I am that I'm already a junior. It was like just yesterday, I was a freshman, roaming the halls, in fear of who'd I sit with at lunch, if anyone would like me, if I'd just hate everyone, and whether or not I had enough money to buy lunch in the cafeteria. #fatkidforlife Now, as I briskly walk the halls of my school; now my second home almost. But don't get me confused with a student that loves school. Oh no, I absolutely HATE waking up early. And getting ready for school. And driving to school. Then being IN school.


    As I mentioned earlier, I got my license, meaning that I now, along with student, I had a new job title: Keronhica's chauffeur. Since she doesn't HAVE her license, it's my duty to make sure we both travel safely and efficiently to and from school in the TWO HOURS it takes. When I say travel, I'd like you to put yourself in my mindset. 5:45am in the morning, crusin' down the street, on you're way to school, when suddenly, major depression strikes.....why, you might ask? Well, because when you look to your right, you see a McDonald's and realize you have no money. I know, heartbreaking, isn't it?

   I also have a terrible, terrible, freaking sucky parking spot: the dirt lot. I mean, I'm happy I get to park on campus, but I'm debating just HOW happy I actually am, because my parking spot's so stupid, I just really want to give my sticker back. Buuuuuuuuuuut, I wanna be that cool junior who parks on campus, regardless of location and the fact that it's literally a mini hike to my homeroom every damn day. Even if it is in complete mud and whenever it rains that mud turns into quicksand, no big deal. And as if it couldn't get any worse, I have to park backwards in order to get out of the dirt lot after school. Yeah, it's as bad as it sounds.
  
 On the bright side, I have good classes. I'm like, in love with my psychology and English classes. I have phenomenal teachers and good people in said classes. My history class will obviously be my easiest class, although I'll actually have to work and study this year. Marine biology is pretty easy, as well, although I doubt it will stay that way. I also have an outside reading assignment called The Hungry Ocean. I personally thought it would be about food in some way, shape, or form; but NO, it's about STUPID sword fishing. I hate the ocean. And books ABOUT the ocean. I'd just really like to swim with manatees (SEA COWS MOOOO) Then there's religion, otherwise known as Church history, which just recently underwent a change in curriculum, and just got a hell of a lot harder, but I'll manage.

    By now you see I left out a class. That god forsaken class is Pre-Calculus. Also known as hell on Earth, it is designed with the torment and oppression of students, such as myself, in mind. Flashback, I took FOUR WEEKS of geometry, FLASH FORWARD, pre-calculus is all about geometry and I don't have a solid enough basis to move forward. I'm in a regulars class, but I definitely don't feel like it. I FEEL as though everyone gets it except me. Fortunately, I've come to accept the fact that you cannot be good at everything and that it's okay to fail. Just, someone please explain that to my mom and whatever universities I'll later be applying to.

    But other than that, I'm assuming as of right now, that I'll have a pretty damn good year. I mean, every year holds something new in store, whether that be new friends, new classes, new love, or new enemies; it's all brand new. I can't wait to see what the universe has in store for me (hopefully its plans include a 2006 Land cruiser). My advice to everyone else? It's our junior year, try not to screw it up.

Summer '12: The Unevitable End

"It's the end of the summer. It's the end of it all. Those days are gone, it's over now, we're moving on."

        
        So it's finally over. The summer of our lives, the time to make something  of ourselves, the chance to create memories of a lifetime. I'm honestly dreading the end. We all know everything comes to an end but I didn't think I would have enjoyed my summer the way I have. Giving you all a glimpse into my personal life, a special friend of mine who stuck it out with me this entire summer has made an impact on my life that I will never forget you. You showed me that everyone deserves a second chance at love and that only the few who matter will be remembered. I hate to admit that we'll probably never see one another again, but if fate allows, we'll meet again someday in the future.
Anyway, enough of me being sentimental. Back to the summer of dreams blah blah blah, I got my license (BEEP BEEP) :) and I'm so happy, yet my dreams were crushed because my dad decided that ONE Mercedes wasn't enough and he had to have TWO, so my Mercedes dreams are out the window, leaving me with my '96 Land cruiser, but it's alright 'cause I'm just gonna pretend I'm in the Benz whenever I drive around.

       And HONESTLY, I'd like to protest for 2 more weeks of vacation before hell school starts. I don't feel as though I've accomplished any of what I wanted to this summer. I had goals and expectations and I wanted to check them all off the ol' bucket list, some of which includes breaking the world record for the longest nap. I'd also like to try PHYSICALLY becoming a panda.........make that 3 more weeks.

Summer '12: The Beginning

“Summer is kind of like the ultimate one-night stand: hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.”

    

2012.
A year of...well, nothing really. Nothing major has really happened this year, but let's hope that Summer 2012 is 'that time of the year'. My summer was SUPPOSED TO consist of beach days, 22 hour naps, panda band, reckless driving, and partying so hard that I forgot what I did that night AND the night before. BUT OF COURSE, we can't have everything right? To be specific, I can't have anything. I'll be in summer school until June 29th in hell oblivion Geometry. I hate math, but I made the conscious decision for my future college career that I need to get to Calculus; but in order to get from A-Z, you've got to survive the LMNOP. Thus, me spending eight hours for four weeks, learning about perpendicular lines, polygons, and shapes that don't exist yet I'm supposed to assume for the sake of this class, that they do in SOME universe out there that I, quite frankly, DON'T care about. But whatever, since I'm on week two already, I guess I'll survive.

   But as soon as summer school ends, I've got a license, a car, and a wallet full of cash.
   .....Let's get wasty pants.

Exam pt.3

Honestly, I've never been so anxious about studying about exams. Like, it's not like I don't know the information...(I don't) but it's like, preparing & trying to cram all these different subjects into my mind at once is killing my psyche. It's like every one of my teachers think their class is the ONLY class I've been taking all semester.





Religion- I love God, let's get that straight. Jesus is my Messiah and Savior, along with being the Big Man's only Son. I got that. The Holy Spirit did its thang and came down on the 12 Apostles on Pentecost. Crystal clear. Honestly, I feel like that's all I need to know for this exam and I'll be pretty prepared. Well, along with my natural intellect. But seriously, I never knew there was so much depth to the Bible, enough that I a) have to take a class, b) have a full on study guide, and c) have a final exam. WHY? And as if vocabulary (the school's sick idea of fusing classes together) wasn't enough, we have to be able to identify Bible passages, their writers, and their genres. If I don't study Since I won't study, I'm gonna hope God'll help me wiji board the exam.

English- This has been one of my favorite classes all year.....until testing time. I hate every test in this class (not the class, just these stupid, impossible tests). Like, the detail these questions ask seem like they were picked out by English scholars FOR English scholars, NOT high schoolers. Such as "What does the color of the curtain in chapter 14 symbolize?" "THE BOOK HAD MORE THAN 3 CHAPTERS?!" I mean, I get that because it's an HONORS class, they expect us to be able to answer  these questions...shit, half the kids IN honors have been riding the cheating wagon all the way to the finish line since middle school, so lower these supposed 'expectations'. The hardest part, hands down, will be poetry. We studied it for two weeks, yet it'll be two thirds of our exam. Super. Give us an hours and fourty-five minutes to analyze poems about GOD KNOWS WHAT with references to historical events and animals and the zombie apocalypse and such. But it's fine, it's not like I WANTED to stay in honors or anything, no biggie.

Exams pt. 2

Honestly, I've never been so anxious about studying about exams. Like, it's not like I don't know the information...(I don't) but it's like, preparing & trying to cram all these different subjects into my mind at once is killing my psyche. It's like every one of my teachers think their class is the ONLY class I've been taking all semester.




World History- Consider your ass OWNed. I've got this one in the bag. It's like all the bull I've put up with this year has finally paid off to this very exam. All the different time eras, the countries, the monarchs, the empires, and other useless information I've memorized all year will come to good use. My only complaint: HIS DAMN PACKET. I absolutely hate packets with a burning passion; and it's not like I'm talking about a little 2 page front&back..NO, I'm talking the Big Momma of Packets. Seriously, I'd rather attempt to drink gasoline than fill out this twelve page packet. On top of that, you expect for it all to be on the final exam. Like, daaaaamnnnnm, cut me some slack; we all know I'm getting an A regardless...besides, I've got other things to do with my life....like blogging, eating, and sleeping.

Spanish- I honestly need to take a step back and help you visualize how much I HATE this class. Honestly, this is stupidity in one of its ugliest forms. I'm considerable good at Spanish and take pride in it, up until my teacher decides that no one is allowed to have an A in her class. ANOTHER DAMN EXAM PACKET. I swear, this whole death by asphyxiation doesn't sound too bad when you present me with this FIFTEEN PAGE PACKET. Actually it sounds pretty fucking sweet. At least I can chill in Heaven; yup, where God doesn't give packets. But like, I've got the same problem that almost every language student has: the different tenses. But hell, I'll get over it, it'll be semi-easy, and I only need a 36% to pass. Lawlz.

EXAMS pt.1

Honestly, I've never been so anxious about studying about exams. Like, it's not like I don't know the information...(I don't) but it's like, preparing & trying to cram all these different subjects into my mind at once is killing my psyche. It's like every one of my teachers think their class is the ONLY class I've been taking all semester.

Math- BELIEVE IT OR NOT, this'll probably be my easiest exam. At the very beginning of the semester, I was borderline failing, like, I honestly thought this was the end for me. I was bound to repeat the class. The funny thing is, I sat in the dead back row, with three of the most talkative people in my class, so it wasn't like I was taking notes. But next quarter when she moved me to the very front row, it was like the VIP world of algebra had opened its gates to me. All of a sudden, it was like second nature to do all these equations, and I have to admit, I began to see myself as being above the rest; I mean, I'm in the top half of the class, I'm allowed to be snobby.

Chemistry- I'm NOT passing this exam, I'll tell you this right now. If I do, it'll be because a) I found a way to cheat or b) the school sets on fire and all is lost, meaning she has to give me an automatic A. But of course, neither will happen, so I've trying to get my mind wrapped around the idea of failing the exam, that way, it's one less exam to stress about. Like, I'm sorry, but I don't see the significance of the pH scale, stoichiometry, or molarity. I''m gonna be a LAWYER, for Christ's sake.

Fear no man, Trust no bitch ~

You know? You'd think you'd know someone after years and years? But quite frankly, this isn't necessarily so. Everyone's going to lie to you, cheat on you, spit in your face, and disappoint you; but you have learn to roll with the punches. I've learned this from first hand experience. The first time I was ever truly back stabbed was the 5th grade, by a group of girls I used to be in some sort of "clique" with. Sure, the problems at hand were petty, but at the time, they hurt me to the core and made me realize that everything in the world isn't fucking rainbows and sunshine. There isn't always a rainbow after a rainstorm, there's just rain and fog.

As I got older, the backstabbing continued, and as I got older, the problems got more adult, even if the people they involved remained childish. People have said mean things behind my back. Though I'm no one to talk, I know what it feels like to be bullied, and it SUCKS. You couldn't imagine the type of things I've said and have had said to me. Some of my closest friends turned out to be the worst offenders, often having skeletons of backstabbing in their closets that were directly of me. I didn't trust anyone back then and still don't trust people 100% now.
I really wish I could, because things would be 100 times easier and fighting would happen less often. Because though I have a tough exterior, it's not like I LIKE to fight, it's just that motherfuckers keep asking for it. The bottom line, I don't really care as much as I used to. I wish I did, but unfortunately, I don't. I mean, I have some great people in my life, but I'm trying to keep from making the same mistakes and letting the wrong people in. Sadly, in the game of life, everyone's a suspect.

---Signed half heartily, Me

Juniors, ALREADY?!

        

In a week and a half, Soph year will officially end. This year has been freakin' crazy. Like, honestly, if you asked me if shit would go down the way it did this year last summer, I'd laugh in your face. Everyone and everything has changed so much. I've basically fought with every single person I could fight with this year. Some fights were fair, others I was at advantage, but never disadvantaged bitch, I'm not about that life. Lol. But SERIOUSLY; I can't even begin to reminisce on how much backstabbing has gone down from both aspects: from the outside looking in and in my inner circles. But I'm glad to have the friends I do that have stuck by me regardless of my crazy, sometimes questionable behavior. I started this year with a "who gives a shit?" attitude, and that's exactly how I ended it. But don't get me wrong, it's not like I started with 3853727 friends and ended with 0. No, I've just narrowed it down to a small inner circle that I know I can trust, as far as I'm concerned. Some people didn't particularly like the way I've presented myself this year and quite frankly, you can kiss my black ass. :* I really don't care what anyone thinks. If I wanna parade around all day with a Snooki poof and horrid bright blue eye shadow, guess what? Imma throw some red lipstick on that bitch as finishing touches. I mean, this year has just been so much fun. Freshman year, when I was terrified to even walk the halls, I would've never thought that I'd been singing and dancing and screaming and yelling and just acting a damn fool to my classes, even some times by my damn self. I've laughed so much this year, I swear I have permanent grin lines. #earlywrinkles. ahaha. Unfortunately, still no updates on the love life when it comes to in school, 'cause most of the guys suck, once again. But outside of school, I'm working on it ;) if it becomes anything serious, I'll update you guys, but for now, it's on the DL. Other than that, I'm currently in panic mode because next week is EXAM WEEK. (I'll do a story on that when it comes around) But on a serious note, just like around this time of the year last year, I can't say I'm ready for what'll happen next year, because every year holds something new, something exciting. I can say that whatever it is, I'm ready for it 125%. But what they say about high school is true; "Blink of an eye, the years fly by."

Facebook 101 Part 3

Welcome to the fabulous world of social networking! Now that you've singed up for Facebook and got you profile set up, it's time to add your friends and hopefully meet some new ones. I know, all the excitement, it's hard to contain. Everything is so fresh and new. But you need to be careful, too. Because everybody has a Facebook personality. So here's my guide to you, on which Facebookers to avoid.

The Ghost

This is the person you may have added 6 months ago and are now starting to worry is dead. They have a Facebook, but they're never online. They may log on every 8 months just to change their profile picture, comment on a thing or two, and log off. In that period of time, you feel like you have to get whatever ti is you need to say to that person on their wall or in their inbox ASAP before the little fuck logs off. Sometimes, they even log off mid-chat. Like, seriously, bitch? Don't fucking chat me if you're gonna log off whil I'm trying to tell you about my dying armadillo. Just tell me you're not interested (I don't know why you wouldn't be).

But seriously, this person has the same profile picture for two years of them and their grandma, who probably died in the midst of that two years so please update it. Also, don't log on after 8 months and comment on something I said 8 months ago.

Hannah posted on George's wall: "Hey George I had fun hanging out last week, we should go fishing again." (From May 12, 2011)
George commented on Hannah's post: "yeah me too." (January 3, 2012)
Hannah commented on her own post: "I hate you." (January 3, 2012)

If it is this extreme, screw them. I don't wanna be Facebook friends with Casper the friendly ghost.

Facebook 101 Part 2

Welcome to the fabulous world of social networking! Now that you've singed up for Facebook and got you profile set up, it's time to add your friends and hopefully meet some new ones. I know, all the excitement, it's hard to contain. Everything is so fresh and new. But you need to be careful, too. Because everybody has a Facebook personality. So here's my guide to you, on which Facebookers to avoid.

The Photo Hoe

Now, this girl may be some random from school or your best friend; doesn't matter. You need to either tell this bitch to stop or block all her posts. This Facebooker is the one girl who:

-Uploads a new picture everyday
-Changes her profile picture 12 times in one day
-Has 27394 photo albums with 38572 pictures each
-Tags the world in her photos so they're forced to comment
- Extreme Photoshopper (A Cup in real life, D Cup on Facebook)

And the worst offense: ASKING people to like her pictures. (in some cases, begging)

She may be a pretty girl, hooray. But in most cases, she's a wannabe hoe who seeks valedation by the number in front to the little thumbs up on Facebook. And it maybe the same pose (duck face :* ), or the same place (her bedroom, her bathroom, her cat's litter box). She may wear shorts that show her pubic hairs or the pictures of her and her friend at the beach in their bikinis (yay, we drove for 4 hours to get to the beach just so we can get some likes). The girls who take pictures of themselves with a camera, PISS OFF. I don't know what exactly is the explaination for why some girls do this, other than the fact that it's a sickness, a disease: I-have-a-high-tech-camera-so-now-I-think-I'm-a-photographer-and-model syndrome. Eh, my advice to you, if it doesn't bother you, let the bitch be. But if it does, block her posts NOoOoW.

Facebook 101 Part 1

Welcome to the fabulous world of social networking! Now that you've singed up for Facebook and got you profile set up, it's time to add your friends and hopefully meet some new ones. I know, all the excitement, it's hard to contain. Everything is so fresh and new. But you need to be careful, too. Because everybody has a Facebook personality. So here's my guide to you, on which Facebookers to avoid.

The Stranger

Of course, I have to start off with the obvious red flag. You log on and find a friend request from Barney Ray Charleston and you only have 2 mutual friends. You've never met in real life. Yet, you only need 1 more friend to get from 199 to 200 friends on Facebook.




So you add Barney. 3 seconds later, you get a message:

Barney Ray: Heey sexy;) where do you live?
...Barney is typing.....
Barney Ray: wanna skype?

And soon you get 1 notification...that turns into 6.....that turns into 60.
 Barney Ray commented on your photo: "I wanna feel your insides."
Barney Ray commented on your photo: "You make me happy."
Barney Ray posted on your wall: "I love you"

Yeah, I'm sorry, I know how much you need the numbers, but you need to block and delete ASAP. It's funny to tell your friends about, but you need to delete this person before they eventually find you. I mean, I'm not saying they could, but I'm just point out the possibility. I know for a fact that I don't wanna be a dismembered body in the dumpster in the back of some weirdo's apartment. But seriously, if something like this is happening, please delete them. And block them. And if you really feel unsafe, report them. Mark Zuckerberg'll handle it lyke a B0$$.

How to truly celebrate Valentine's Day

Ah,hate love. It can make you do crazy and stupid things. Like scale a building. Or pick up a car. Or fly halfway across the country just to say "I love you", shoot, it can even make you take a bullet for the one you love (pun intended). But let's be real here. Nowadays, love isn't like this. But Valentine's Day plays it out this way. Valentine's Day can only be defined one way and one way only: A fat baby with arrows goes around shooting people in the ass so that they'll give their significant other candy and flowers and cards and jewelry and such. I mean, there's nothing wrong with gifts, but shouldn't you show the one you love that you care all 365 days of the year? (366 for a leap year, just sayin').

For Valentine's Day this year, I found myself single again, for the second year in a row. So what do I do? Ahead of time, kiss everyone of my friends asses in hopes that one of them will look deep into their hearts and buy me things. And as much as I love my friends, I wasn't really feeling the whole give and receive method. I'm more of a receive and leave kinda gal. No, I'm kidding<3 But on a serious note, I saw some serious fuckery taking place around me this year. Guys and girls buying each other life sized teddy bears (that will later turn into a psycho serial killer on a full moon), chocolates for days (so that when the other gets fat, they can break up with them for that reason), and cards (I LURVE YOU? You might as well said "I don't give a shit about you"). I even saw a Facebook valentine or two (Jane Doe posted on Bob Barry's Wall: hey babe xoxo happy vday ---Bob Barry commented on Jane Doe's post: ily 2<3 ; what he should've commented "DB<3" (die bitch)). Like, come on people, if you're gonna be stupid, don't celebrate at all. Do everyone a favor and BREAK UP.

I feel that there is no true meaning to Valentine's Day because you should treat your significant other like a king/queen/duke (duke for the transgenders), everyday. ONE DAY should NOT be the definition of your ENTIRE relationship. If it wasn't working in the first place, Valentine's Day and a pack of Valentine colored M&M's isn't gonna make a difference