New Year's Resolutions

What exactly am I expecting for the coming year of 2012?

What's happened so far:

In the news:

• Casey Anthony & the perfect murder
• Kardashian-Humpries marriage/divorce
• More people dying pointlessly while the Kardashians have a wedding worth millions of dollars while children around the world STARVE...no big deal...
• NBA lockout
• Charlie Sheen #WINNING
• Rebecca Black-Friday
• Planking,owling etc.
• Wachovia becomes Wells Fargo
• Ron Brown, Ron Artest now his name is: Metta World Peace
• Oprah ends after being on TV since the dinosaurs
• Woman gets 'Drake' tattooed on her forehead

..basically a bunch of stupid shit.

Around me:

• Bitches being fake
• Bitches being whiny
• Bitches being phony
• People growing balls and thinking they can step to me
• Lots of drama
• Lots of relationship issues

....more stupid, pointless shit.

So what exactly DO I expect from the coming year of 2012? Well, since everyone's convinced we're gonna die because the Mayan calendar, written by an ancient civilization with no modern day sense, ends December 21, 2012 (damn, they could've ran out of stone), I guess my first expectation is to die; MEANING I don't have to go through the trouble of lying to myself, like every other year, by promising to go on some ridiculous diet that is never fulfilled. Also, while we're at it, I can also say that I'm NOT going to try to be a nicer person this coming year because quite frankly, I don't care. Never have; and I'm not gonna start now because I wouldn't feel comfortable in my own skin knowing that I'm being fake and playing you like Booboo the fool.

I'm not looking for love in 2012 because it's all the same. Just because the calendar says something new, doesn't mean everyone around me is brand new. They're still the shady, immature, unappreciative jerkoffs from last year. I don't feel like I can find that individual who'd be able to keep up with me. My guard's still up, not for my sake, but for the other individual's. When I get into a relationship I give my all and regret nothing, but I you mess with my emotions, I'm coming after you and trust me, it's as disturbing as it sounds. Overall, I just have more important things to do than play back and forth with my heart.

---Coming into my own. That's my one and only resolution for the New Year. I hope to discover what I want to do with myself. What I'd I don't wanna go to college? What if I'd like to move to South Beach and open up a tiki bar?(hypothetically speaking, that would be a stupid idea....I'd open a smoothie bar) haha. Really, I'd like to figure out who my real friends, (because 2011's given me too many friends to separate the good from the bad) who I know will always have my back, won't be a fair weather friend and leave when times get alittle cloudy. I want to find the friends I'll still be in contact with when we graduate and hopefully for life.

I wonder what everyone else's New Year's resolutions are. Whether it be losing that last 100 pounds or trying to get back the love of your life....hell, your resolution could be to be the laziest you could possibly be, planting your ass on your couch all year and playing MW3; my advice to you is to do whatever it is you set to do to the best of your ability. you g000 gurl.

My Bucket List

Before I die, I want to do alot with my life. I plan to get married, have kids, and live lavishly; but of course, I also want to travel the world, meet all kinds of people, and do all kinds of things. My list might as well be "Allllllll the crazy shit I wanna do before I peace out, yo." Yup, the "yo" is there for racial profiling. Now, I say this with all honesty, this is MY list and it WILL be weird because I'm not exactly normal. Now, to begin.

My Bucket List

----by Kerdesha D.

Before I die, I'd like to....

• Skydive in Vegas
• Bungee jump in the Grand Canyon
• Meet real life pandas and hug them; and if all works out, they'll make me one of their own and I can live among them for a year and do panda stufff
• Perform with Blue Man group
• Have my own season of episodes of "Man vs Food", so I can travel and eat and get paid for a living
• Kiss the love of my life at the very top of the Eiffel Tower

***Meet the love of my life

• Spend time with my family, my whole family- aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, distant cousins, the whole clan
• Streak in Washington D.C.
• Swim with dolphins
• Beat the hell out of a childhood enemy- oh revenge is SAWEEET...
• Donate $10,000 to furthering breast cancer research
• Travel to Japan and meet a wise man who can give me wise words that I can put on my tombstone
• Ride an elephant in India
• Go to Switzerland- why? I don't know, I honestly don't know...
• Have my own Barbie doll
• Be in a production of Cats
• Meet (and hopefully SLEEP WITH) Trey Songz

**another story for another day

• Shoot a gun in the middle of a riot- Once again, not sure
• Hike the Himalayas.....orrrr just look at the Himalayas, depends on how much I weigh when the time comes
• Travel to Vatican City and meet the Pope and ask him some of life's most challenging questions (oh, and ask if I can try on his hat)
• Pierce my cartilage
• Go to Barcelona, Spain and dance the night away in the streets
• Zip lining in rain forests of Costa Rica
• Visit England and make fun of those guard guys in the fuzzy hats
• Organize the largest, most insane onezie pajama march
• Write a hit rap song
• Eat the hottest pepper in the world
• Own and train a parrot to engage in stimulating conversation
• Be a bunny rabbit- okay, I know this won't happen but it's a mini daydream
• Race on a racetrack
• Ride a motorcycle
• Jump into a waterfall

This is only the HALF of what I'd like to do before I die and though I may not get to do all, if any of these things, hell, I could die tomorrow and this list would be meaningless, but the point is that I aim for the stars and my dreams aren't limited to reality, but reach out to the almost impossible. Anyway, I hope I've inspired you to write your own bucket list and think about what you'd like to do and what matters most.

The Popularity Pyramid: Part 6

The question on everyone's mind: "How does popularity work?"

Well, to answer that in a nutshell, I say that you need to know your place. YOU can't decide where you belong, FATE does this wondrous job for you. But in case you were confused on exactly WHERE you're located on the scale, I've taken the liberty to break it down for you. Now, if you recognize where you belong and you don't like it, you can always make the effort to change that, though may I say, this task ranges from moderate to challenging.

Part 6: Royalty

The position that is just remotely untouchable. I'm not going to lie to you, but if THIS is where you're aiming to place yourself on the social quota, you might as well throw a paper bag over your head and roam the Earth aimlessly until you reach an inevitable demise. This branch is the highest point, the head honcho, the gods of the pyramid, the cherry to the banana split. The lucky seven percent who land here should thank God everyday. These kids are the ones that no matter what they do, no matter what they look like (though they are usually extremely attractive), no matter how smart they are or how much money they have, they'll never get knocked out of this position. Once you're in, the only way out is to die......okay, it's not as extreme, but it is this exclusive. Royals aren't a set group like all the other phases; they are dispersed sparingly within the 'O'uties, stepping stones, Inner Circlers, and some originally a Royal. Though not a set group, everyone knows who's royalty and who isn't. These kids pretty much run the social quota. Royalty trends are the laws of the land. Some I've encountered: Bows on Doc Martens, Toms, these shits I think they call knit backpacks that look like a preschool backpack, speaking OF, another is preschool backpacks, taking the label off of Jansports, and much more. Royals are outgoing and extremely popular. They associate with each other occasionally, but most of the time only come together in times of crisis. Stepping stones will be ready to destroy their own friends if it means even being in the presence of a Royal. You can't really read the personality of a Royal unless you're a close friend of one, because they're all the same, but not the same (really hope that makes sense). Being a Royal means everyone knows you, you aren't restricted to the recognition of your class, like Inner Circlers (not always the case), but campus wide. You're able to pretty much do anything and get anything you want, because people throughout every phase will being tripping over themselves to "die" for you. To sum it up, Royalty is untouchable, making them the hierarchy of the Popularity Pyramid.

The Popularity Pyramid: Part 5

The question on everyone's mind: "How does popularity work?"

Well, to answer that in a nutshell, I say that you need to know your place. YOU can't decide where you belong, FATE does this wondrous job for you. But in case you were confused on exactly WHERE you're located on the scale, I've taken the liberty to break it down for you. Now, if you recognize where you belong and you don't like it, you can always make the effort to change that, though may I say,this task ranges from moderate to challenging.

Part 5: The Inner Circle

CONGRATULATIONS! If you've made it to this position through hard work and dedication, then kudos for you, annnd if you started out here, then hooray for you [insert sigh of disgust here]!We've reached the inner circle. Most people who can successfully make it here, stay here. Most never can and never will be royalty. These kids enjoy the perks of popularity. Everyone knows your name, who you are, and you get away with some stupid shit, like wearing this fuckery they call onezies & rocking homeless man shoes as part of your uniform and/or everyday attire. They all seem to look the same, whether it's the same backpack, hairstyle, or whatever. "Inner Circlers", as I choose to call them, pretty much have it all. Your typical Inner Circler (though this is not always the case) is beautiful and outgoing, yet secretive and drama-filled. They always have a new dilemma to deal with, though boy issues or stepping stones trying to weasel their way in are usually the primary issues. Their conversation pool is extremely shallow, based on what we're doing over the weekend, gossip, or stupid inside jokes. They are very nice to be around, however. A load of fun and always up for an adventure, 'O'uties tend to be drawn to them, for their personalities are extremely similar.They also spend much of their time as the "foundation" of the Royalty, as friends and in some cases, followers. Most of them are kind and friendly, but some are rude and can be labeled as "B I T C H", or whatever you'd like to call it. Inner Circlers have no problems when it comes to the relationship/love life world, for about 9% are currently in relationships/"things"/FWB. The only downside to being an Inner Circler is that you have to constantly keep yourself relevant. You can't get too comfortable in this phase because there are plenty of people ready to take your place, as I've seen this happen with many naive Inner Circlers. Anyway, the Inner Circle is a swell place to be and when you make it there, all your hard work pays off.

The Popularity Pyramid: Part 4

The question on everyone's mind: "How does popularity work?"

Well, to answer that in a nutshell, I say that you need to know your place. YOU can't decide where you belong, FATE does this wondrous job for you. But in case you were confused on exactly WHERE you're located on the scale, I've taken the liberty to break it down for you. Now, if you recognize where you belong and you don't like it, you can always make the effort to change that, though may I say, this task ranges from moderate to challenging.

Part 4: The Stepping Stones

If you're in this category, then you can consider yourself the "bouncers" of the inner circle. You, unfortunately, aren't exactly in the inner circle (though you do enjoy all the perks without the title), but your job is to decide who's in and who's out. You make or break those within the inner circle. People may refer to you as a gossiper or a major bitch, but that's just the negatives that come with the job. You may also be used to:

• Being taken advantage of
• Backstabbing within your group
• Big secrets
• Major lies
• Sudden change in status
• Trusting few

Outer circle members tend to use you to make their transition into inner circle territory. You can either let this happen or become vigilant and aware to when this is happening to you or another fellow stepper. A Stepper's personality tends to resemble the one of an inner circle member: cool, collected, well liked. They develop closer friendships with 'O'uties and inner circle members. Though most steppers run in the same group with the inner circle, some don't even know each other, though they are forced daily to interact in various outside social situations such as dinner outings. Steppers are sometimes competing against each other to make it into the inner circle, which you'd think would be a fairly easy task considering they're around each other all the time, but it's not. Steppers tend to try to weasel their way into inner circle territory by dating inner circle guys/girls, which usually works because after their breakup, (which will be gossip for the next week or two) the stepper can make their way into the sympathetic arms of other inner circle members. Some steppers are only steppers because of a "15 minutes of fame situation" where they did something that has everyone talking for a few days, thus taking full advantage of this short lived popularity, and sinking back into 'O'utie territory right after. Moving into inner circle territory for steppers is 60-80% likely.

The Popularity Pyramid: Part 3

The question on everyone's mind: "How does popularity work?"
Well, to answer that in a nutshell, I say that you need to know your place. YOU can't decide where you belong, FATE does this wondrous job for you. But in case you were confused on exactly WHERE you're located on the scale, I've taken the liberty to break it down for you. Now, if you recognize where you belong and you don't like it, you can always make the effort to change that, though may I say, this task ranges from moderate to challenging.

Part 3: Outer Circle

Those who make it out of general population usually end up here. Outer circle is actually a nice place to be. Outies (*nickname, tehe) are the general populators who made an impression. Yup, sounds simple right? WRONG. Outer Circle has two levels, Capital 'O' and lower case 'o' outies. 'o'uties are those who have successfully swerved past outcast and landed here. They are usually those who have 'O'utie friendships, very rarely mingle with the inner circle ,and tend to form closer ties to stepping stones. 'o'uties can sometimes also be referred to as wannabes because they try too hard to cheat their way pass stepping stone and make it into inner circle territory. You can say that you'd find your closet sluts, girls who dress like the inner circle, and girls/boys who have inner circle relationships in the lower half of this category. 'O'uties, on the otherhand, have gone the extra mile to make sure they stay in this category by strategically figuring out the mystery of the pyramid: if you interact with everyone and keep yourself well liked, then no worries, hakuna matata. They tend to either keep 'o'uties from intertwining with their own friendships amongst other 'O'uties or making good friends with them. They has loosely bonded friendships with inner circle members and somewhat strong bonds with stepping stones. 'O'uties tend to be well liked and outgoing. They quietly try to make their way into inner circle territory, and sometimes succeed.

The Popularity Pyramid: Part 2

The question on everyone's mind: "How does popularity work?"
Well, to answer that in a nutshell, I say that you need to know your place. YOU can't decide where you belong, FATE does this wondrous job for you. But in case you were confused on exactly WHERE you're located on the scale, I've taken the liberty to break it down for you. Now, if you recognize where you belong and you don't like it, you can always make the effort to change that, though may I say, this task ranges from moderate to challenging.

Part 2: Outcasts

Now, this is the most dreadful space of the bunch. Though higher than general population, you DO NOT want to get stuck in this space. This group is only ranked higher than general population for all the BAD SOCIAL COVERAGE on them. These people are usually the people no one wants to talk to and they tend to blame it on others. No, bitch, you're fucking weird and you have no one to blame but yourself. They usually converse about death, strange sexual thoughts, and other weird people shit no one really cares about. On the bright side, they tend to be some of the most creative and artistically inclined people on campus, usually kicking ass in art shows and theatre. But back to the negatives....most of the time they can be classified as band kids, art nerds, regular dorks (though this is NOT, I repeat, NOT alwaysss the case, just a *gross generalization). Mos of the time, climbing out of this category is simple impossible and highly unlikely.

The Popularity Pyramid : Part 1

The question on everyone's mind: "How does popularity work?"
Well, to answer that in a nutshell, I say that you need to know your place. YOU can't decide where you belong, FATE does this wondrous job for you. But in case you were confused on exactly WHERE you're located on the scale, I've taken the liberty to break it down for you. Now, if you recognize where you belong and you don't like it, you can always make the effort to change that, though may I say, this task ranges from moderate to challenging.

Part 1: General Population

Before you can build, you need a foundation, thus I present to you the general population. Before any alliances (friendships, they call it) are formed and lines are drawn, everyone starts off in the general population. The majority of us stay down here for various reasons. It may be because you never made an impression, a name for yourself, to ever get noticed. Most of the time people don't really know who you are, even if you've been in the same classes since the 6th grade. But that's okay because general populators tend to be introverted and only interact within the general population, who are usually the slightly strange kids that at least try to follow some trends, but unfortunately can't pull them off. They don't really try to climb the scale because most of the time they're either a) unable to make the transition into the next phase or b) happy where they've landed.

to guys with no game,

I admit, it's been awhile since I've had a boyfriend, but that's by choice, not because of current circumstances, even though they could very well be a factor of why I haven't chosen to play the field again. Guys these days...it's a sad thought. They all seen to possess the same faults: too cool for school, too cool to make a move, too cool to be in a committed relationship. Quite frankly, the ones who can't commit are the ones who usually have girlfriends. It honestly makes no sense. To those who don't have a girl, however, there's no place for mistakes, I'm sorry.


 Examples, shall I?

THUG LIFE: Nigga, you're not hard. Throwing up gang signs, swearing, and disrespecting women...I'm just, I don't know, making suggestions here, but things like this JUST MIGHT BE reasons why it's you and your hand every Friday night. I especially hate the wack asses who act all gangster. Skinny jeans tighter than mine that sag to your ankles and snapbacks don't make you hot. How about you stop "spittin game" and just start a conversation with a girl. Because guys can't talk to me any type of way, that is if you'd like to live a full and happy life and reproduce.

DESPERATE: Stop making your love life a topic of discussion. You can't tweet everyday: @INeedAGirlfriend: I need a girlfriend #lovesucks because unfortunately, you might be sending out the warning signs of obsessive. You can't just expect a girlfriend to fall out of the sky. You have to actually approach a girl (and no, asking for a piece of paper doesn't count). Also, you can't talk to a girl once and suddenly devote your allegiance to her. Just calm the fuck down and take it slow.

JERK OFF: Stop being a smart ass, it's rude, not funny. I mean, I get when we're younger, they say boys tend to bully girls they have feeling for as a coping mechanism. But, unfortunately, we're no longer 7, we're 16, grow up and make a man's move, not a boy's. Constantly insulting a girl is funny the first and second time, but after a while, it gets old. Also, when you actually do compliment her, she'll take it a sarcasm, guaranteed. Maybe if you'd just try, and I mean REALLY TRY to not be a smart ass 57% of the time, maybe a girl would take notice of 43% you've uncovered.

I know, there are many more examples of guys who don't have girlfriends, but those are just the few relevant in my life lately. Maybe if guys would learn from these examples, the world would be single-free.

study habits

Tests. The dreadful invention of some scholar out there (who should have been shot, by the way) who thinks the torture of the classroom should be extended into a student's daily life. Instead of enjoying life, hanging out with friends, sleeping, having an ice cream sandwich, NOPE, you've got to sit down and study for an impossible test you have to take in the next 24 hours. This is fuckery, I swear to you. But for me, as an individual, studying is an all night struggle of trying to cram information in my head before a huge test on material that is all new to me, whereas my teacher has gone over this for two weeks. Therefore, let me present:

Kerdesha: Studying Kills
based on a true story

5:00pm - I always start off with an innocent idea: to study and pass whatever ridiculousness I had to face the next day. So I put all my study materials together. For Kerdesha to study, she needs:

• pencils and pens
• a highlighter
• study materials
• online textbook
• iPod
• a bombass sandwich
• a cookie (yup, singular)

Anyway, so after I put together everything I need, I sit down and prepare my mind for a few minutes (hence the sandwich and cookie) just to make sure I can absorb the material to the best of my ability. After my mini meditation session, I get to work. I start off strong, knocking 1/4 of my study guide out of the park, but then knowing me, things start to get complicated. My computer seduces me with a Facebook notification ( George Washington and 6 others like your status ) and I say to myself  : "Oh, well aren't I pretty fucking popular?!" and log onto Facebook. It's only for a few minutes, then I'll get back to work. A few minutes turn into a a couple hours and before I know it's 7:34. Ohhhhh shiiiit, I exclaim and get back to my busy work. Soon enough, I start to think about a song I've been thinking about all day and open Youtube in a new tab. When the music comes on, my hips don't lie and before I know it, I'm up and dancing as if I'm choreographing my own music video. Then I start to watch the sneezing panda, talking dogs, and other random funny videos that make me pee my pants. I finally close the tab and get back to work. After about 30 minutes, I start to get bored, so I decide to take a break. I go downstairs, drink some orange juice, make some food ( FISHSTICKS<3), watch some Bad Girls Club, a few funny commercials, then get back to work. By now, it's 9:05 and I start to panic. I cry a little bit, thinking about giving up and taking the zero. My mom starts to get on my case about absolutely everything and in my mind, I think about all the bad things I wish would happen to her at that moment in time. Finally, I kick my ass into acceleration and start to speed through everything I had to review ( Retaining a little information here, skimming a little information there) until I finally finish an hour later. By this point, I'll feel like I've accomplished something big, like the cure for autism or something of the sort and happily skip into my room and crawl under my covers and dream of a world without tests and exams [insert sigh of happiness here].

Hope you've learned something about your study habits or if you've learned something from my own. But at the end of the day, what does it matter? The day of the test you forget everything on the study guide. ~

to the good looking and unappreciative,

Where are all the hotties attttttttt?;) I don't know, man. It seems like whenever I make the effort to look cute, there's no one to creep on, yet when I go out looking like a swamp monster, allll my potential marriage prospects are out and about (and possibly shrieking in fear at the sight of me in their heads). Like on Black Friday, I saw a panty dropper at Target and he was TO DIE FOR. (pant dropper- noun refers to an extremely attractive male who can immediately get into a female's pants). Yet, there I was, in my jeans, running sneakers, oversized tee, hair in a braid, and glasses, looking rough as hellllll. Yet, despite all this, he still looked my way and gave me a smile, and you better believe I smiled back. tehe. But anyway, I feel like I go out of my way (though it isn't that much work) to look good for not only myself, but for potential boyfriends/future husbands/future hookups. I curl my hair, do my makeup, spend hours picking out the freakum dress, and what do I get in return? A smile or two, but never an upfront drop of appreciation. And I know this is a problem across America for girls everywhere who torture themselves with waxing, laser hair removal, tweezing, shaving, flat ironing, curling, and whatever else it takes to look beautiful. All I ask of guys is to let girls know you appreciate them, because trust me, if you didn't, bet you we'd look alot like you; manly and all.

to hoes/whores/sluts etc etc,

Can you stop please? I'm asking this on behalf of all those who won't ask you to your face. You make all of us other girls look bad as a whole, a unit, a species. I'm not sure how or why you became a hoe, but I need you to change your ways. Chasing after guys who already have girlfriends? Not okay. Getting on your knees for every guy who's ever said hi to you? Definitely frowned upon. Sexting pictures of yourself to a guy? You do realize that cellphones have forward and select all contacts options? Wearing skirts up to your inner thighs? Disgusting. (YOU MAKE ME SICK) :P And just a question, where do you get your clothes? Do you just take perfectly flattering clothing and turn them into stripper attire? I mean, seriously, I get you're trying to impress guys and pull in a man (single or taken, doesn't matter), but do it at a strip club, NOT in public places such a sporting events, school events, or just out on the town. Why? Because there are girls around, too and speaking for myself here, I'm straight and I don't like seeing girl's asses hanging out of their shorts. It's not cute, you're not cute. You wanna show that much skin? Be a Victoria Secret model orrrr a porn star. Also, I have a strong feeling that your mother did NOT buy those clothes for you. If she did, she needs to be reported to Department of children & families (el departamento de ninos y familias, for all you chongas out thereee) . Quite frankly, crop tops that cut at my bra line, shorts that show everyone my ass, heels that look like they belong on OBT, bikinis that look like floss, shirts so tight it looks like I got 4 sizes too small, and other things of the sort do NOT sit nicely with my mom. My momma would beat the living Christ out of me and hang me by my dental floss bikini if I even thought to be slick and bring that shit into her presence. I mean, I get away with the cleavage tops, but that's another story for another day. Anyway, back to being a hoe, I don't understand the mentality that popularity equals how many guys you've gotten with. I feel like if you're gonna get with a guy, get with him for the right reasons....oh, and get with ONE GUY. Monogamy is the best policy, ladies. You've got to leave some guys out there STD free for the few of us that want good boyfriends. So, my advice to you? Cover up your coochie, close your legs, and try being classy. Shanksssss.

What should have happened and what did happen on Thanksgiving

Sooo, like everyone else in America, I was excited for the prerequisite for type 2 diabetes, better known nationally as Thanksgiving. I was ready for the beautiful meal and the family bonding. Unfortunately, as usual, nothing ever goes as planned. My Thankgiving isn't an exception. Here's a rundown on exactly what happened on November 24, 2011:

• As usual, my family always waits until the very last second to prepare for anything. This became a problem at 7:32 in the morning, when I was woken up from my island honeymoon with someone-who-will-remain-anonymous and rudely brought back to reality by my mother, who needed to go to Walmart to get the food and everything we needed.
• We got everything we needed and came home....or so we thought. We forgot the turkey. I know, who forgets the turkey? My mom, obviously. Anyway, everything by then was closed, so my dad had to go to a Bravo supermarket in Kissimmee to get one.
• To make matters worse, my ankle swole up. Yup, God has blessed me, I'm sure.And depite that I STILL had to help cook
• My mom didn't make the mashed poatoes orrrrr the stuffing
• Mom overbaked the ham
• Dad overfryed the turkey
• Sister bitched through the entire day
• I considered suicide
• Then refused it
• Then reconsidered it
• Food finally finished
• Mom dropped sweet potato pie, all that's left is pumpkin ( Seriously? )

But in the end, we had a great meal & we bonded as a family and that's what Thanksgiving is all about, not the TV perfect family, but just enjoying being in each other's company.

to the wanna be black kids,

I'm not racist, but i'm TERRIBLY sorry to inform you that the color of your skin resembles paper. You are white. Blanco. Blanche. No matter what you do: you can get your hair braided, get dreads, listen to Lil Wayne, and talk the talk, but wiggah, you can't walk the walk. LAWLZ. I've seen one too many white kids these days trying to "infuse hip-hop culture in their daily lives".....loads of crap. Stop quoting rap songs. Stop singing rap songs. Stop buying rap albums. Stop downloading rap music. Stop listening to rap music. But the most tragic thing plaguing our society today: the dancing white kids. OOOOOOH LAWD, I've seen it all. The one white girl completely off beat trying to "shake it like a pompom", when in reality, there's nothing to shake. The one white boy trying to jerk, (or he may be having a seizure) no one knows. Like the other day, when I went to the volleyball game/ good reason to skip out on class, they played some of the ghetto-est songs ever, the songs you'd hear on BET. Anyway, I wanted to bust out dancing, but instead I decided to turn around and look for the white kids I knew were gonna dance, and sure enough, I found them, busting their best moves and making complete asses out of themselves. Safe to say that I laughed so hard I should have peed myself, but I didn't. Take that as a mini personal lesson, white teens of America. It's not wrong to like hip hop music, buuttttt it is a social crime to dance to it, orrrr whatever it is you think you're doing.

to the hygiene deficient,

dammit. you smell weird. When was the last time YOU took a shower? God, I swear, I've heard some of the strangest shit in the one year I've been at this school, man. Examples include, but are not limited to:

• "I took a shower last night so I don't have to this morning."
• "My hair is far more manageable with all the grease and oils, so I don't wash it often."
• "I brushed my teeth yesterday morning so I'm good until tomorrow night."
• "Oops, sorry, I forgot to put deodorant on this morning."
• "I have no idea why the insides of my nails are black."

You may think I'm joking, but damn, do I wish I was. These are actual statements I've heard come out of people's mouths. I've had to endure a class period with Ms. I-Don't-Shower-Everyday-Because-I'm-Starting-My-Own-Body-Dirt-Museum or Mr.Toothbrushes-Aren't-My-Thing-I-Prefer-Onions. Argh, get it together people, it's freaking gross. If you were wondering why no one ever wants to swap secrets with you, I've given you the answer and RIGHT THIS SECOND, you're probablyyyyy smelling your pits or checking your breath. Newsflash, stinky ass: you can't judge your own stink. Jeez, where does the world find these people?

To guys out of my league,

just thought I should let you know that if it wasn't for my fear of unplanned pregnancy, STDs, STIs, and my mother, I'ddddddd probably bang you in a second millisecond. God, why must You put so many obstacles in my way?!?! UGH. But of course, that's not just it; social quota stands in my way as well. I can't be Level 4 and you be Level 2105, it doesn't work that way. You've gotta be like, a level 5, or 4, or maybe even 3, depends on just HOW great you look. But, unfortunately, the fustration continues. You'll only exists as my non-reality. Eh, I guess I'm okay with that, for now at least.